Umm I'm too high to move.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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