and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
