i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
