The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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