Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
