We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
