I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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