I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
