it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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