so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
