Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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