did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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