Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
