so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
