Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
