Me too!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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