I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
