I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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