do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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