32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
