I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
