dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i believe in u and ur pee
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
