Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
