just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
