dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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