my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
