Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
