Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
