i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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