mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
