They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
