I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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