real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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