You made me cry and you don't even care
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
