Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
