Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
