Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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