I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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