He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
