I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
