awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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