Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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