I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's like iHOP with fire
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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