but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
