i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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