I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
