and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
