I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
