wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
