Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
